3 june 1989
decade-long SACian
tpcian
guitarist
music
_____________________________
hello
"life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced." - kierkegaard
"three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." – joseph addison
_____________________________
"Write About An Important Decision That Has Affected Your Life"
Note: Yeah yeah... It was the topic Kangy Schtick gave us a long time ago. And this is what I wrote. :) With a few edits.
I watched them.
A pretty family of three, walking together hand in hand. The little kid laughing as her mother bent down to whisper something into her ear. She giggles, giving her mother a wide toothy grin. How innocent...
I shifted my attention back to my barely eaten sandwich. Would I be wiping out these pure, untainted minds a week later, I thought, and immediately frowned at my food. Why am I actually thinking of all this? Such sentimentality. I must be getting old, after two decades in my line. Sneering half-heartedly at my lunch, I tossed it into the dustbin and sauntered off.
No one took much notice of me. A quick glance here, an uninterested look there. Afterall, why should they notice me? Wearing fashionably faded jeans and a plain navy hooded sweater to offset the oncoming chill of autumn, I blended right in with the crowd. It also did not hurt that my attire made me looks ten years younger, so that I appeared to be a deceptively harmless young man in my early twenties. Even as my eyes scanned the peaceful, idyllic surroundings casually, my mind drifted off...
(break)
"Sir, we have one Jack Finch here," the bespectacled secretary spoke into the phone. A pregnant pause. "Yes, sir. He will be along shortly." He indicated for me to enter the room. Giving him an imperceptible nod, I strolled into the office, deliberately at my own pace.
"Sir." I inclined my head slightly, showing a modicum of respect for the man for whom I had no fear of anymore. No feelings.
"Jack, I want you to set off an explosive at Greenhorn Park. I assume you know where that is, I did order you to memorise the layout of the city. There is a woman manning an ice-cream store there. Her particulars are in here," he pushed a simple, unadorned brown file across the table.
My gaze never once flickered from his craggy face.
"She refused to have dinner with me."
Well, too bad.
"I cannot have that impudence. Destroy her stall, boy." Leaning back in his leather seat, he smirked, barely restrained violence shimmering under the layer of sophistication. "Of course, if she dies in the process, you would get a bonus."
(break)
What other choice did I have? I should be grateful. He took me under his wing when I was abandoned, I should be grateful. Without him, I would have died, a piteous child of nine freezing to death by the road. I should be grateful. I should.
My train of thought was abruptly cut off when a basketball hit the back of my head. I spun around and glowered. At no one. I blinked once, in surprise, then a voice chirped, "Sorry, mister!"
Looking down, my eyes took in a small boy, head barely reaching my hips. His hair was mussed, an unidentifiable substance was smeared on his cheek and he had a front tooth missing. He held the ball.
"Hey, mister. Do you like the park? I saw you here yesterday too. Mummy sells ice-cream. Do you like ice-cream? Want some? Do you play basketball?"
I tried to absorb the barrage of simple questions, even as the boy's sticky - don't think about why it is sticky - fingers grabbed mine and pulled me towards the stalls. He saw me? I had not seen him.
"Yes to all."
"Huh? Oh, sweet!" He beamed up at me. "My name is Louis, I just turned six. Try my ice-cream?"
We sat on a bench, the one I left awhile ago. I cautiously ate some ice-cream and began to relax as Louis chatted on. He really was quite endearing...
Then, it hit me. His mother sold ice-cream. She is the only ice-cream vendor in this park.
Louis happily chatted on, "I come here everyday. I have no daddy so mummy wants me to stay around her when she is working. What is your name?"
"Jack," I mumbled, suddenly feeling nauseous. "I have to leave. See you."
I began to think of the consequences. The woman has a child. I thought of myself, parentless. I thought of what I was dragged into. I thought of Louis. I thought of his future. I thought of his obvious absolute love for his mother. I thought of what would happen if his mother died.
Over the next few days, Louis followed me as I went over every inch of the park. My long-dormant conscience twitched and guilt gnawed at me. Because of Louis, I've begun to notice the threads of life linking everyone together. Why should I be given the power to put an end to so many lights on his whim? I had already fallen down the slippery chute of affection with Louis.
Should I defy his wish, I would die a painful death. I did not wish for my thread to end yet, having just started discovering the little joys in my monochromatic life. I began plotting...
The last day came all too soon. At dusk, I turned to Louis. "It was great knowing you, kid." I hesitated a little. "I love you."
"I love you too, Jack. Let's have strawberry smoothies tomorrow okay? Bye bye!"
I watched Louis run off and I started quickly for my own destination, with an empty, but heavy heart.
(break)
Three years since I set off fireworks at Greenhorn. Did Louis and his mother, along with all the other pleasantly surprised people, enjoy it? I mused, as my boots sank into the snow, a brown mush of ice.
The night sky was clear, free of any clouds which might obstruct my view of the crescent moon. A stiff wind rushed along the city canyons, forcing pedestrians indoors. It was a long and bitter winter. I have been lucky... Or not.
My senses went on full alert. Despite three years off the job, I could tell when someone shadowed me. Sliding discreetly into my leatehr jacket, my hand drew out a gun, bulky with a silencer. The pace of the soft, but not quite silent footsteps picked up. All of a sudden, I whirled around and upon seeing the impassive face with murder written all over it, began to fire away.
I will never get away from his henchmen, until my moment of death. But what I do know is that I have kept some people safe, and that keeps me going.
